Six (Stupid) Reasons Not to Go on Vacation

The survey results are in: You should get the hell out of town.

There’s a market research company called IPX1031, and I think that first, they need to gather a focus group to rename the company. I mean, really: It’s a better name for an asteroid than a company trying to communicate their sales acumen. But aside from that train wreck of letters and numbers, the company does good work, typified by their recent study of workers’ attitudes toward vacation. The most shocking stat: During this time of pandflation and inflademic, workers have passed up on 169 million PTO days, which is the equivalent of rejecting $52.4 billion in benefits.

Maybe it’s more difficult to go on vacation, when you’re staying home anyway?

Here are the the six (stupid) main (stupid) reasons (stupid) people are squandering one of their main benefits, and thereby allowing employers to further stuff their corporate pockets, to the tune of unprecedented 13% profit margins this year.

$hameful! $hocking! $tingy! $winish!

In contrast to corporate cupidity, workers are being downright self-effacing and meek, judging from their (stupid) reasons for not taking their time off. Here they are, in order of frequency of citation.

Based on this deep research, I urge you to kiss off your boss (politely), and head for France. S/he’ll probably double your salary when/if you return.

Stupid Reason #1 for cancelling a $52.4b in vacations: Fear of returning to a mountain of work. I live in the Rockies, so I know: Mountains are beautiful!

Stupid Reason #2 for cancelling a $52.4b in vacations: Fear of being seen as replaceable. Are you kidding? In June, there were 10.7 million jobs open in the U.S. And one of them is better than that shithole you shovel out right now. Scram! Vamoose! Take off!

Stupid Reason #3 for cancelling a $52.4b in vacations: Wanting to show job dedication. You think your employer is dedicated to you? Only as much as the average leech is dedicated to the average blood vessel. There’s always another one to tap into.

Stupid Reason #4 for cancelling a $52.4b in vacations: Company culture is against vacation. Corporate culture is also anti-mental health, anti-relaxation, anti-fun. Why else would they make you participate in team-building exercises?

Stupid Reason #5 for cancelling a $52.4b in vacations: Inability to disconnect. There’s reason they gave you that corporate phone. It’s the same reason the warden invests in shackles.

Stupid Reason #6 for cancelling a $52.4b in vacations: Stockpiling vacation days. It’s a trick! Your employer lets you roll them over, year to year, and as a result, you never take them! Don’t roll over! Roll down a runway!

Vacation is freedom. Travel enlightens, and lightens your load. The door is open, and the big world beckons. Where to? Scott’s Cheap Flights has a few suggestions…