A Charm of Hummingbirds

Written By Peter Moore

Hey, it's better than a murder of crows.

WHAT’S THE BUZZ? A charm of hummingbirds, of course. That’s what you call hummers when they gather in groups. And the more of those charms, the better. These jewel-like birds are pollinators, they keep the chickadees in line, and they beat their wings 53 times per second, on average.

Plus they’re so damn cute.

If Leo Tolstoy had written 53 words per second, he would have completed War and Peace in a little over three hours. Maybe if I drank hummingbird nectar (4:1 water to sugar ratio) my jokes-per-minute would improve?

Not so sure it would help my drawings, however. And I’ve never seen any good illustrations by hummingbirds.

Random hummingbird fact #1: They drink twice their bodyweight in nectar every day. For me to match their intake, I’d have to drink 2,400 pints of sugar water a day. Which wouldn’t leave much time to write/draw/paint.

Hummingbirds do excel at many other things, including:

Aerial battles amongst themselves. We have two hummingbird feeders with a total of ten ports, plus five hummingbird-friendly hyssop plants, each with perhaps 200 blossoms. And yet, our hummers fight one another for territory as if this were the Battle of Britain, with the fate of western civilization at stake.

And maybe it is!

Random hummingbird fact #2: They are the only birds that can fly backward, forward, sideways, upside down, and hover. Which is great if you’re a WW1 Flying Ace, like Snoopy.

When they’re not messing with each other, they’re messing with bigger birds. Challenging part, if you’re a hummer: They’re all bigger birds. You have to bring the attitude.

Random hummingbird fact #3: Their brain weight/bodyweight ratio is the biggest in the bird world. Which may be why hummingbirds attack other birds: They’re annoyed by their stupidity.

After all of these internecine battles, and dangerous inter-species bullying, hummingbirds all fly to Mexico (or other warm places) in mid September, fueled mostly by sugar water. Time to convert from fossil fuels to Domino.

Random hummingbird fact #4: From Alaska to Mexico is 3,000 miles—one helluva commute for a 2.5” bird.

Why do hummingbirds hum? When my son was six, a medical doctor posed that riddle to him. Our toddler was the first ever to deliver the correct (joke) answer: “Because they don’t know the words.” We knew he was destined for great things.

Random hummingbird fact #5: Actually, the humming sound comes from their wing tips, which vibrate in the air. Don’t tell my son!

Bon voyage, little ones! See you next April!

Peter Moore

PETER MOORE Writer/Editor/Illustrator/Wiseguy

3x NYT bestselling author...multiple National Magazine Award winner as writer and editor...2x interviewer of Barack Obama...chilled with Matt Damon in India for a week, for a Men’s Health cover story...NPR animator and commentator…cartoonist/columnist for the Colorado Sun

Peter Moore is an editor, writer, illustrator, animator, co-author, radio host, TV and podcast guest, speaker, editorial consultant, and journalism lecturer. He currently works as a columnist/cartoonist for The Colorado Sun and a commentator/animator for NPR. Peter recently completed gigs as interim editor of BACKPACKER magazine; launch editor for NatuRX, a cannabis/health magazine; and a two-decade run at Men’s Health magazine, where he topped out as VP/Editor. He has written or ghosted three New York Times bestsellers. He publishes twice weekly at petermoore.substack.com; his 8,000 subscribers open his emails to the tune of 20,000 reads per month.

In August 2008, Peter joined then-Senator Barack Obama on his

campaign plane for a cover story for the November issue of Men’s Health; the issue was on newsstands when Senator Obama became President-elect Obama. Almost exactly a year later, he interviewed President Obama in the Oval Office for a cover story in the October 2009 issue of Men’s Health. The following week he interviewed Michelle Obama for Women's Health.

Peter has written major features for Men’s Health, Prevention, Parade, and Backpacker, and AARP: The Magazine; between them they boast about 30 million readers. Following his own heart-health scare, Peter wrote “A Tale of Three Hearts,” which garnered Men’s Health’s first National Magazine Award. In April 2010, after his first year as editor of Men’s Health, the magazine won the NMA for General Excellence, in competition with The New Yorker, among other magazines. The January 2014 issue contained his account of a trip to India with Matt Damon, to visit villages impacted by Damon’s activist group water.org.

Moore has made 1000+ appearances on television, podcasts, and radio programs, discussing travel, career development, cartooning and drawing, second careers, humor as stress relief, relationships, and other stuff he makes up as he goes along. He has been interviewed on the Today Show, Good Morning America, and CBS This Morning, as well as NPR, CNN, and MSNBC. He was the co-host of the nationally syndicated radio show Men’s Health Live, heard in 52 markets; it had a million listeners per week. He now works as a commentator/animator for Front Range NPR and a columnist/cartoonist for the Colorado Sun.

Prior to joining Men’s Health, Peter served as articles editor for Playboy. A graduate of Bates College in Lewiston, Maine, he lives in Fort Collins, Colorado, with his wife. He is an avid mountain climber, backpacker, skier, basketball player, bicyclist, yogi, international traveler, illustrator, and cook. And he can juggle.

https://petermoore.substack.com
Previous

Rocky Mountain, Hi!
Next

Road 2 Elsewhere, Excerpt #41: Lust amongst the fragrant herbs