The Real Shit Tom Brady is Dealing With at Age 45: An illustrated exposé

Written By Peter Moore

The NFL is back! So’s Tom! (Sorry Gisele.)

TOM BRADY TOOK A COUPLE OF WEEKS OFF DURING his NFL training camp, with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Which you can do if you’ve won seven Super Bowls, and been hailed as the NFL’s G.O.A.T. (greatest of all time). Upon his return, Gisele Bündchen’s husband, and father of three, and recent un-retiree, said: “I’m 45-years old, man. There’s a lot of shit going on, so you just have to try and figure out life the best you can. You know, it’s a continuous process.”

But, what kind of shit?

I have some theories. For instance, busy Tom probably has to….

  1. Walk G.O.A.T.,

Seven Super Bowl rings! Enough to share with his G.O.A.T.!

milk G.O.A.T.,

Does this G.O.A.T. seem a little too masculine? She seems pissed, in any case.

make G.O.A.T. cheese with Gisele.

If you think R2E is just an excuse for me to draw funny animals, you’re not far off.

2. Shave chin-dimple with a power drill and dremel

I never thought about Tom Brady’s nipples, until now. Have you?

3. Go back-to-school shopping with the kids.

What a dad, right?

4. See the sights in Tampa before the season starts.

Visit Tampa before it’s under water permanently!

5. Polish trophies over the fireplace.

Note deflating football in lower right corner.

6. Test recipes for new cookbook.

Tom’s specialty: Pigskin etoufée

7. Learn Portuguese (finally).

Gisele reads bedtime stories to the kids in her native Portuguese. Tom’s more of a Dr. Suess guy.

8. Revise list of media partners.

Good luck with all your shit, Tom!

Excerpts from my illustrated memoir The Road to Elsewhere will resume next week. I have to illustrate complicated cityscapes of Paris, with prostitutes, and that’s freaking hard, let me tell you.

Peter Moore

PETER MOORE Writer/Editor/Illustrator/Wiseguy

3x NYT bestselling author...multiple National Magazine Award winner as writer and editor...2x interviewer of Barack Obama...chilled with Matt Damon in India for a week, for a Men’s Health cover story...NPR animator and commentator…cartoonist/columnist for the Colorado Sun

Peter Moore is an editor, writer, illustrator, animator, co-author, radio host, TV and podcast guest, speaker, editorial consultant, and journalism lecturer. He currently works as a columnist/cartoonist for The Colorado Sun and a commentator/animator for NPR. Peter recently completed gigs as interim editor of BACKPACKER magazine; launch editor for NatuRX, a cannabis/health magazine; and a two-decade run at Men’s Health magazine, where he topped out as VP/Editor. He has written or ghosted three New York Times bestsellers. He publishes twice weekly at petermoore.substack.com; his 8,000 subscribers open his emails to the tune of 20,000 reads per month.

In August 2008, Peter joined then-Senator Barack Obama on his

campaign plane for a cover story for the November issue of Men’s Health; the issue was on newsstands when Senator Obama became President-elect Obama. Almost exactly a year later, he interviewed President Obama in the Oval Office for a cover story in the October 2009 issue of Men’s Health. The following week he interviewed Michelle Obama for Women's Health.

Peter has written major features for Men’s Health, Prevention, Parade, and Backpacker, and AARP: The Magazine; between them they boast about 30 million readers. Following his own heart-health scare, Peter wrote “A Tale of Three Hearts,” which garnered Men’s Health’s first National Magazine Award. In April 2010, after his first year as editor of Men’s Health, the magazine won the NMA for General Excellence, in competition with The New Yorker, among other magazines. The January 2014 issue contained his account of a trip to India with Matt Damon, to visit villages impacted by Damon’s activist group water.org.

Moore has made 1000+ appearances on television, podcasts, and radio programs, discussing travel, career development, cartooning and drawing, second careers, humor as stress relief, relationships, and other stuff he makes up as he goes along. He has been interviewed on the Today Show, Good Morning America, and CBS This Morning, as well as NPR, CNN, and MSNBC. He was the co-host of the nationally syndicated radio show Men’s Health Live, heard in 52 markets; it had a million listeners per week. He now works as a commentator/animator for Front Range NPR and a columnist/cartoonist for the Colorado Sun.

Prior to joining Men’s Health, Peter served as articles editor for Playboy. A graduate of Bates College in Lewiston, Maine, he lives in Fort Collins, Colorado, with his wife. He is an avid mountain climber, backpacker, skier, basketball player, bicyclist, yogi, international traveler, illustrator, and cook. And he can juggle.

https://petermoore.substack.com
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